How to Catch Wild Pigs

I do not have the original right now, but this has been written before, so I claim no ownership or rights to this. This is my own verbatim version.



To catch wild pigs.

First, you must place around on the forest floor food in piles and then leave, so the pigs will not be afraid of you when they eat the food. Then, you repeat this so they get used to eating the food you provide them. In their primitive minds, the food is easier to come by then actually having to find it themselves, even though the food you provide is the same they searched for themselves - it was just taken by you and then given back to them in a preplanned area.

Then, you gradually start sticking around more and more often when they eat, so they will get used to your presence. Indeed, they will come to expect nourishment upon seeing you. They will be dependent on you.

Then, when they've become dependent on the food you provide, you put up a wall in the same area. They won't be afraid of the wall, because a) it isn't doing anything, it's just a single wall, and b) a wall isn't a wall unless one bumps into it. Once they have become used to this wall, put another wall up, and then another. Then, finally, you must put up the fourth and final wall.

You may say, they might get scared and run out before the wall is in place. You'd be wrong.

By then, they've become so used to your presence that they believe their very survival is in your hands, forgetting that they once did fine on their own.

And so the final wall is put up, and the pigs are happy and thankful for it. They now belong to you.



Next time, more tips for becoming a dictator.